I am going to add to this, simply because I feel so crappy now I just need to write and vent. Sorry to anyone I might have made upset with my ranting.

Im just reflecting on him saying for me to go into a shelter.

Let me tell you something about the homeless shelters here - they are stinky, gross and not well kept at all. Most have rats in the walls because they are all in super old buildings (I know one specific one did because I saw a huge one in the kitchen one day) There are far too few places for women to begin with - I help a lady on the street near here sometimes and she even told me adsum house (the main one with no waiting line) is full already and it is not even cold out.

The thought of having to go back there gives me shivers. The last time I was in a shelter, I watched people overdose on crack, I watched fights outside, and heard gunshots go off right beside our house every night. I was terrified. Plus you have to share rooms with other shelter people.

Im not saying that it is not a wonderful option to have - but with my anxiety, I just couldnt do it. Im lucky I make it day to day on my own let alone in a shelter. Plus I would have to give up my cats.. they are all that has kept me alive some days honestly.

I am at my wits end. I keep trying to explain this all to him to which he just interrupts and says "but we dont have a medical form stating long term disability so you are expected to work to rule" Well they do have a form for disability from my last doctor which states my several diagnoses. They KNOW about my problems.

I am not a bad person for need help, am i?