I already have three cats. Two are mine and one is a foster kitty. I have already talked to them about the possibility of having a baby: they said that if I continue to feed them well, they will accept a new arrival.

For me, it is very biological and every step counts, so a nursery someplace does not count. It has to come with the pain and joy of childbirth, I have to breastfeed, etc. That is why I have to be so serious about being off meds - if I get into this, I will be in it for the long haul, because I am a long term breastfeeder (I have spent 8 years out of my life nursing) and breastfeeding is not more compatible with drugs than the first trimester. So it is really serious stuff, but I cannot imagine formula feeding a baby. I know people do; my cousin did; a close gf formular fed her twins and apparently everyone was happy so I know people do it, but I, personally, absolutely have to breastfeed. I breastfed two girls at once, even - it is called tandem nursing. I am just super good at that and I would not want to shortchange this hypothetical baby just because his/her half siblings were born before their mother was dx'd so she was med free and breastfed. So if I decide to follow through with this plan and get serious about it, AND if I have LUCK with it, then we are talking about at least three years off meds.

BUT - I am already swimming for an hour on weekdays, plus biking for 100 minutes on weekdays, plus, regardless of and before this wonderful new idea I was going to add 45 minutes on the treadmill because biking and swimming are not weight-bearing and a 42-year-old woman should be thinking of osteoporosis prevention and thus engaging in regular weight-bearing exercise. If I add treadmill, I would be doing more than 3 hours of cardio a day on most days a week! It is a lot of cardio. With that amount of cardio, I will safely be free from depression and anxiety and possibly mania. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain and cardio acts directly on brain chemistry. For anxiety, I have actually tried cardio versus benzos and cardio is more effective so I am not using benzos at all anymore.

I have thought about sleep, too. Maybe the safest sleep medicine is neither marijuana nor Amitriptyline but the lowest possible dose of Seroquel. I have seen someone on this board breastfeeding on Seroquel - that gave me the idea. But this is for the p-doc to decide. I will task the p-doc with this - he is a smart guy, I will have him exercise his brain.

The most cryptic piece for me is psychosis. I have never seen anyone running a marathon to prevent psychosis. To prevent depression, sure, but not psychosis. Last time I seriously went off Geodon and Lithium (to save money - I was in Europe where my insurance did not cover drugs) I started mania with hallucinations - skycrapers were dancing on the streets . That sure was fun. But at any rate, I am bipolar, I am NOT schizoaffective - I asked good p-docs and I am not, and that means that I do not hallucinate outside manic episodes, so if I manage to prevent mania (hopefully, three hours of cardio daily plus regular sleep would suffice for that) then I would not have hallucinations.

Because psychosis is the trickiest part, and because I am not going to exercise on my trip anyway, I am for now just dropping Geodon. I will take it with me, just in case. If I start hallucinating, I will take Geodon. If I am OK, I won't.

Then, when I am back, I will get into the exercise routine and drop Prozac. I think I should be all right. I honestly think that a person on 3+ hours of cardio daily can skip her Prozac. Cardio should take care of the endorphins just fine.

And then... if all goes well... they will come the big decision, which is droppig Lithium. Lithium is very important and dropping Lithium should not be taken lightly.

Oh, and I currently do one yoga session a week - I will be adding another one on Sundays. The kind of yoga I do is Restorative and is basically anti-manic.

Plus the social rhythm therapy for bipolar - regular outings, having people over, things to do, that kind of thing.... should help.

LT r/s - I do not see how this is relevant. I am trying to solve only one problem, not two. I AM interested in eventually getting married and spending my old age with someone I love and trust... but it is not on fire. I can get married at 50 or even at 60 - why not. Since it is not on fire, why should I think about it now? I am only trying to deal with first priorities. Marriage is not a first priority. It can be safely postponed. For babymaking, I have a couple of years, so it IS on fire. So I have decoupled marriage and babymaking and for babymaking I just need a good coparenting partner - not necessarily to live with me. I lived alone with my son when he was little and everything was splendid until ex appeared on the scene and said that everything was wrong. So I have experience single parenting and back then everyone was happy. I just do not want THAT degree of single parenting when I was completely alone - I want a partcipating father.

It took me 6 months to find my current job. If I apply effort, will I find a good candidate for this position I am "advertising" in one year? I think I will. I will begin by considering my tomorrow's date in that kind of light. Except that he is heavy and obesity is highly genetic and I would want to give my baby good genes... oh, everything is so complicated!!!