Most people who are spiraling don't realize it's happening, and you are in the eye of the storm. You're not making any sense. Your posts do not make sense, they're not logical. There's no such thing as men who will impregnate you and pay for your baby without any emotional bond or marriage. There's no such thing as having a baby and going to college, let alone law school, being easy. There's no such thing as refusing to be impregnated by someone you're afraid of being too short or having genetic abnormalities. Bipolar disorder is a genetic abnormality and guess what, you have it and you have a very high chance of passing that gene on, especially after having three kids. (edit: I am bipolar because of my grandmother on my father's side. However, my father has no mental illnesses, so even if your partner has no mental illness, any relative of his that has a genetic abnormality could easily be passed down.) You came up with this idea only a few days ago. Give it a month, six months, long enough to know that it's not the bipolar or a mid-life crisis you're feeling. Bringing new life into the world is not something to be settled on today or in a week. There's no rush to have a baby right this instant.