I haven't posted on here in a while... I've been doing the bingeing, purging, starving dance for a while now. I've been going to a doctor every 2 weeks, and he keeps telling me to come back. The thing is, he hasn't diagnosed me with anything, because I'm not underweight, and my bp & pulse are fine. I know he just wants to monitor me, but it puts me into anorexia mode. I feel like I have to lose weight otherwise I suck, and I "failed."

The thing is, I went to an a.b.a. meeting on friday. It was totally awesome, and I've been having regular meals since then! Whoo, happy dance! I feel like I'm still restricting though, because I'm not sure how many calories I'm eating and my stomach feels empty a lot.
So I'm going back to the doctor this week and I'm torn. I really want to have lost weight, but at the same time, I just started eating healthy again. The catch 22 is that if I gained weight, I'll start starving again.