Wow this isgoing to be interesting for me.
Reading your post is practically a mirror image of my life. I did all of the things your husband did to you to my wife, we have one daughter who adores me.
I was NOT sexually abused, but was born to older parents and my dad had his first heart attack when I was in kindergarten, he was like 48 or 49. He was in the hospital for many weeks and Iwas told as little as possible. I began turning inward and self soothing at a very young age.
My father continued to have health problems over the years and I was mad at God for that. He had his right leg amputated when I was 11. More surgery. We were not close, no hugs or big expressions of love. Mom was distant and resentful because she had to start working two jobs to pay medical bills.
As I grew older I internalized my pain and covered it up with drugs, alcohol, and porn. Back then there was no internet so it was not easy to be so young and get it. But I found a way.
After high school my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers. Now I am taking care of sick parents, working, partying, stealing, lying, and hiding my pain behind all of that.
I always had a girlfriend cause I was obsessed with sex. I cheated on them. I met the most wonderful woman and married her. It was like I was in remission for a while!
But because I did not stick with therapy, I would go in and out of depression, and internalized it, never talked to the one person who cared most, my wife.
It all ended in August when I found myself 'loving' another woman in an online adult video virtual reality game.
I crashed and burned then. I moved out so we would stop fighting in front of our daughter.
I destroyed my family....and for what?!?
Your husband is internalizing a lot and until he comes to grips with that he will be forever lost in it!
I hate what I became and how it destroyed my family. I am telling you this to let you know that you are worth so much as a mom and you have to be healthy for those kids! As much s it hurts now, time will heal you. If he chooses to get REAL help thru therapy and probably a good Psychiatrist, then be his friend and make sure he sees his kids. My ex is so very kind to me...I see my daughter or talk to her many days each week.
Again...YOU are worth so much more than this and dont let anyone tell you otherwise!
Your husband needs the same professional help I am getting.
I pray he gets it!
I am more than willing to share more if needed. Its hard to be honest and open about it, but the truth sets you free!
I wish you all the best. NEVER give up!