I don't think you're breaking any rules with this one ... I, too, find it difficult to go to church ... It's very anxiety provoking for me ... There's the guilt, the judgement, my own personal doubt and anger at God ... I've always felt closer to whatever this God thing is whenever I'm out in nature and nature isn't as harsh a judge as human beings are ... At least I haven't been eaten by a bear or bitten by a snake yet ... Kinda hard to figure out the dangers as it pertains to human beings though ... At least for me it is ... At least out there I know what to avoid whereas humans can be very tricky, manipulative and deceptive ...