OMG I can totally relate. Always felt so much anxiety at church; would even get sick to my stomach. I don't go anymore.

I won't say what religion I was raised in, but I recently saw a sign that I liked, in front of a church ( of a different religion), and it said something to the effect of- ?Religion or belief in God or something "IS A JOURNEY NOT A GUILT TRIP"

I also feel closer to god when I'm out in nature, especially when I walk in the woods,