I think it is healthy and healing to have someone accepting to reach out to. It is healing because it affects how we see ourselves, the thoughts we have. We can move from feeling unworthy to feeling worthy, for example. We become our own rescuers and/or we have less of a need for being rescued. For me this process worked together; the more I internalized my T, the more I can rescue myself in a similar way as T would. I can do that quicker so the despair lasts a shorter time, and I am finding that sometimes that internal process is very quick. It surprises me when that happens. A pleasant surprise.

Along the way there are times I feel that I am too dependent on T, and that I should stop therapy and go out on my own and see how it goes. That is a form of self-criticism and probably fear, fear of losing the support and the relationship.

Then there are times I'm just relaxed in the relationship and so glad for it, so grateful to have someone to go to (on many levels).

There are also times I end up back to wanting a level of rescue and comfort that is more than T can give.. for example, physical comfort is something she feels isn't helpful, because it is something outside me and she wants to help me have those things inside me. So those times, while fewer, are frustrating still, but are not as frequent or intense.

When I am in an intense crisis, she reaches out to me more. That is rare, but it happens. I've received a couple of phone calls and emails that were initiated by her. It feels so relieving and comforting! I know she cares, but those little extras are so sweet.

She knows when to do what and I'm glad she is my T.