Ohhhh, ok, slow down, I can see you are very angry right now, easy.

First of all Rose, remember, most people in general have absolutely no idea what it is like to struggle with PTSD. Most people reply, "Oh, you mean that thing Vets get"?
Secondly, your family tends to answer problems with "throwing money at it to make it go away" that is what they "know".

The only way your mother is even going to half way get it is if some renouned specialist sat her down and with diagrams and videos, and explain it to her. She will walk away not really getting it on a truely personal level either. Her answer is "ok, then lets throw money into treatment to fix the problem", but she is still not going to know how to be "compassionate" in a meaningful way. That it just the way she is Rose. You already know that, you grew up with her, she just doesn't have it.

So, you have to consider that you are actually in a position where you do need help, and at this point, you need to consider "your needs" in all of this, what will help you Rose, and understand that you are not going to get the other part that you always wanted, it just is not there. And part of you has to understand that these people just don't have it to offer.

You have to step outside the PTSD anger Rose and be willing to see the reality of this situation a little better. You have to understand that what you are dealing with are people that genuinely "do not have it" and that "they are not purposely being mean" they are only doing what they know how to do.

I know it is hard to do that Rose, it has been very hard for me as well. It has been hard for me to separate that very hurt and damaged part of me and see the real reality of the people in my past.

What you have written down here is excellent, because you are very PTSD angry and if you can put it into writing, wait, cool down and revisit it, you can begin to see it differently. Remember, we always learn "after" ok?

Also remember that because you have PTSD, that means you are extremely "sensitive" so you can see things as being extremely important, a big problem that others do not see. This is also what many of our vetrans talk about, they come home and they struggle because they realize that society goes along not truely realizing the horrors of war.

Heightened awareness, remember that Rose, the key component to PTSD. The average person doesn't understand that.

Ok, I can totally understand your complete anger, but you know what? You are now in a position to possibly get what you need to help "you" and you do have to consider that very carefully. So you have to make sure you take your time and absolutely do not allow yourself to act out in anger. Can't do that with snakes, they will definitely bite you.

So Rose, what do "you" need, think about this calmly, wait until the PTSD calms down ok?

((((Hugs, you are going to get through this))))
Open Eyes