"I would never do anything to purposely hurt them. It's not who I am. I see the bigger picture" quote Rose

Rose, I know that, I understand you were just very angry and letting it out. Its ok to do that, it helps to be able to release that anger, so its ok, you don't have to erase it, you can have it here to reread and think about. It is a good way to study how you react. It will help you see it and when you do that, you learn and remap better, so it is perfectly fine. Make sure Rose that the "urge to erase" isn't an effort to erase that you are angry or hurt, don't deny yourself that. Often we learn to do that in our past, and it is healthier to let some things lay and be out there, because we should not allow ourselves to "hide our true feelings of hurt". You did it in the right place, a place where you can get validated, so that is fine and good for you.

Rose, it is not just about seeing the "big picture', it is also finding ways to accept it emotionally as well. And that really takes time. It is a big part to the remaping that you are working on. How to think about things, in a new way and connect to these new revelations emotionally as well.

What it is alot like is as if your mind is a computer that picked up some viruses along the way, and these viruses have been interfering with how your mind has been able to work for you. So basically what you are doing is slowly getting rid of these viruses and doing some "reprograming" that helps your mind run smoother. But it is a timely process, and the more you do it the better you will feel. However the brain, unlike the computer has emotions that are attached so it takes longer to make the slow adjustments. As you keep working at it through Rose, you will notice you will also slowly feel better as well.

Patience is the key. You just had a cycle Rose, and part of the observing is in observing "self" now. Paying attention to the "whys" will help you learn how to slowly reduce the effects of the cycles to eventual balance. As you keep working on this, your times of dealing with the cycles that get so exhausting will ease up as well, because you have been doing the work you need to in order to correct it all slowly. Hey this takes time, but as you keep going along with this you will keep gaining. Just make sure you keep "observing" and don't let yourself fall into the "dread" as much. You can do this.

Open Eyes