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Dec 16, 2012, 09:42 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 32
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I'm still here, but still going through the awful highs and lows of these horrible med changes.
Friday, I finally went to Urgent Care because the anxiety attacks (three days of constant chest pain) were scaring me. I just kept thinking "What if this isn't just anxiety?"
The doctor there was great. They put me on an EKG, and then the doctor came in, and we talked about my med changes, etc. She asked me if I had ever been on something that actually helped. Then, she prescribed me 30 2 mg pills of Ativan.
On Saturday, Mom took me to get my script filled, but the pharmacy didn't have the pills I needed. So, they called the Urgent Care, and another doc there said not to let me have it. Instead, they prescribed me 10 .5 mg pills.
I lost it. I was crying, yelling, screaming and cussing. That's NOT the person I am. I honestly feel like it was the chemicals (from med changes) talking.
They told me my pills would be ready in fifteen minutes. I planned to walk back in and apologize. It wasn't the pharmacist's fault. As I walked up to the register, the pharmacist looked at his assistant, and I watched the laugh at me. I still apologized, and when I got back out to the car, I told Mom I just wanted to come home.
I got home, and cried myself to sleep. My step daughter was here this weekend, and because of the emotional roller coaster I was on, I decided she wouldn't be able to stay with just me.
I woke up this morning at 3 am. I woke up shaking with RAGE. I came out to my livingroom, and spent the next five hours arguing with myself about weather or not I should just take every single bit of insulin in the house (a two month supply).
At eight o'clock in the morning, when I knew she would be waking up soon, I took my night-time medicines. The most horrible thing in the world is being scared that you might hurt your child. 
Since I woke up again, I have spent the day on the couch, so depressed I don't want to move, and scared to get near my refrigerator, because there's enough insulin in there to kill me.
You know, there's a man here in the states who went on a shooting spree on Friday. His name is Adam Lanza, and he shot up an elementary school, killing (I think) 20 children, and 8 women, before he killed himself.
I wonder if he was going through a huge med change???
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