Honey Bee, you sound like this med change phase has you in a really low depressive state and it would be a really wise idea for you to not be alone. Can you be with your mom? If you are thinking thoughts about there being enough insulin in the fridge that you could use to kill yourself, it's time to reach out for help. You are in pain right now and there are people that can help. Med changes can be hard. Really hard. But if they are causing you to feel suicidal, then you need to call your p-doc and let them know, and you probably go to the hospital for a little bit. I know it may seem a little scary, but they can help you get through your med change faster than you would at home. They can help this not be as scary and painful. The point of going in is so that they can quickly make adjustments as you tell them what is and isn't working. And also so you can get some physical and emotional rest. You have said that it is a horrible feeling when you are scared that you might hurt your child; you obviously showed great love your step daughter and put her first by not having stay when you felt it wasn't going to be a good place for her to be. Love yourself too and reach out for some help, okay? And keep posting here so we can know you're okay? <3