No Submissive...I don't think you're bad. Not at all. I absolutely do not think you're a "*****," as you wrote...please don't think that about yourself. It is not true.

The underlying theme I get from your post is a desire for acceptance and for being wanted (as in belonging, not sexually)...would I be mistaken in that? That's just my observation. At any rate, that is a perfectly natural and normal desire, and I don't think ill of you for wanting that. I only wish that you hadn't gone through so much at such a young age in seeking that.

I do not at all think ill of you. I agree with you calling yourself a "good girl." I would agree with that before you wrote it. I don't think your past makes you "bad." We are all human, thus we all make mistakes, or get a little misguided at times. I don't think you're "bad." Not at all. I think you are human.

I do think you need to reevaluate some things with your boyfriend, perhaps. Not to mean break up with him or anything like that, but you shouldn't feel trapped by him or suffocated or anything like that. I also, having read a few of your other posts, have some concerns regarding your compatibility, and I do think that he probably wouldn't be overly pleased with the fetlife stuff. But you're not doing anything wrong by being in a relationship with a good guy! You DESERVE that! You only need to make sure it's the right good guy, is all. And it very well may be him...that is your call to make, not mine. I only encourage you to communicate with him, in every aspect of your relationship that you can. That's a vital pillar for success.

Please don't think poorly of yourself...you're a good person. I believe that, and, as of typing this, at least 3 other people on this site alone think that. Your boyfriend thinks that, and I'm sure, if I knew the people around you, I can name quite a few more. The only person that matters in believing that, however, is you. You ARE a good person...you just need to realize it.

Please take care and know you're in my prayers.

Hugs,
Harley