family especially inlaws can be so unthoughtful. they probably did not know what to do or say, or they didn't want to mention it in case it upset you more. on the other hand if they are like my family then you have hit the nail on the head they are as you say selfish, dirty heated, greedy people! not everyone is nice or good. the thing to remember is you can choose who you interact with even within families. i have cut contact with my immediate family they are detrimental to my wellbeing, but i still have minimal contact (card at christmas) with a couple of uncles, we have an understanding that they do not tell me about my family and they don't tell my family about me. it took a few years for everyone to accept that is how i want my life to be, but once they all got the message life is much better this way.

Anger is a part of the grieving process, it is normal to feel this way about one thing or another, and you are at the prime time for this to kick in. it is probably made worse because it is close to Christmas and that is when families and inlaws should be supportive.

Christians or any religious group for that matter are still just people, they are made up of all types of people, black, brown, white, disabled, able bodied, English, American, good and bad. the bad ones hide behind the religion, that doesn't make them good. have you heard the saying a wolf in sheeps clothing. well that applies to bad people in religions too. just because they proclaim to be Christians does not mean they truly are. I personally do not proclaim to be of any religion simply for that reason. i do however live a good life, i am kind, thoughtful, will do nothing rather than do harm, help as much as i can etc but that is my morals not a religion making me like that. you can give people a costume but you can't change the person inside it.

I know personally that i still find it very difficult to cope emotionally for a week or two around Christmas, Jim's parting day (my partner) and his birthday. my emotions go all over the place, slightly depressed, angry, extremely tired and frustrated... i become a monster!, alternating between overly quiet and blowing my top for the slightest thing, and i am 9 years down the line!

I find it really helps to be kind to myself, I tell myself it is ok to feel this way until the special day is over, then i have to get on living life how Jim would want me to.
I warn everyone at work in advance that i may not be too well and always take tha special days as me days... during the week before i make a wreath of artificial flowers, gather candles etc ready for the special day, i try and organise meetings etc so the week is a quiet one, no late nights because i allow myself crying/thinking time in bed that week. on the actual special day, i treat myself to a special cooked breakfast, a bubble bath, make myself 'pretty' - put on my nicest clothes and go visit his grave, i place the wreath, clear the old things/leaves etcand spend as long as i can (weather dependant) talking to him, and making his grave look loved. I tend to turn off my phone, but once home i call friends who understand so i can talk if i want to or be distracted if i want to be. I always make sure i have a nice meal and bottle of wine in the fridge so i can relax and treat myself in the evening.
by allowing myself this i am then able to carry on living the rest of the year. ok i am sometimes a bit wobbly the following day or two, but that is to be expected, i have just been through an emotional week, but a good sleep and a distraction usually puts me back to normal.

try not being so hard on yourself, it is very normal to feel how you do, give yourself time to grieve, ok not all the time but special times e.g. every wednesday evening or whatever, it will get easier, and as for the in laws.. they are your partners family not your chosen friends,