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I'm so glad I've finally found some people who understand. Thank you so much for your help. I feel like I have been living in this "darkness" for so long. I've always viewed myself as a person that has a good heart, but I seem to have this monster living inside and it rears its ugly head quite often. My husband does walk on eggshells and I am trying to change that through meds, therapy, etc. I find that I get very little compassion from him. I have a mental disease so there is little understanding. If I had diabetes or cancer I'm sure my husband would have compassion for me. However, with the bipolar disorder my husband just thinks I am a witch and does not recognize the disease. I have been the "master of disaster" when it comes to relationships, but now I understand why. I really don't want to be this way, but I am. I guess I've only just begun on my road to recovery.