CE I know exactly what you mean when you talk about not being ‘allowed’.

As Elliemay points out, I gather this is quite common, that for instance when clients have wanted out of session contact and the T refuses or restricts it, they feel needy and frustrated and seem to want it even more and can end up overusing it. The moment a T ‘allows’ out of session contact, suddenly it’s not so urgent and client doesn’t feel the need to constantly contact T. The truism of, if you can be sure of getting it, have the security of it, then the desperate need for it dissipates. You’d think Ts would have wised up to that by now . Not saying that’s what’s happening with you, just that the whole ‘not being allowed’ thing can create a lot of problems.

Don’t know about you, but if someone in authority (like a T) refuses me something or turns it into a permission/allowing thing, I immediately become resentful and oppositional. Shades of punishing/arbitrarily overruling parents maybe, or just growing up in the era before children were considered human beings.

I’m also with you on the feeling of homelessness, of not being able to go back, of not having been welcome in the first place. That’s very sad

Interesting comment about the compass, what do you think it means? I like how it sounds but thinking about it, I don’t really understand it myself.

I’m sorry you don’t have another session for five weeks, that’s a very long time in therapy terms. Hope you enjoy Christmas and New Year and are distracted enough by the holidays not to miss T too much.

Torn