Thank you both so much. I didnt think anyone would actually read this being its so long. Its been difficult in trying to grieve as i never gave myself time to after he passed away. I started dating 8 months after and am with someone new ironically named mike as well and we have been together since. Ive been through so many changes with my personalitiy and its made our relationship difficult. I try to make my fiance now into the man was husband was. He will never be him and i know that. I know its stressful for us both as my fiance feels like he could never measure up but i do love him very much. We have been together for 3 years now and during that time i told myslef i would never marry again as i promised my first husband i wouldnt. But i realize i was young and niave in sayign that...or was i? I just have so many mixed feelings and am soo confused and get lost in thinking about my husbands death rather than the good times we had. Is it posible i blocked all those memories out of my mind being overcome by such tradgedy? If so..how do i get them back? Im so sorry if this seems difficult to follow. My mind seems to take several turns along the way of thoughts. They never seem to slow down for as long as i can remember. Thanks again for the replies