You are so not a *****. You were on the wrong path for a little while. Now you have changed for the better. As for viewing fetlife there are a lot of folks who think such things and pron are bad but I feel like that is serving you with a place of grounding. Life like that is something you know all to well. It doesn't make it wrong. Sometime when we are not accepted as who we are and are trying so hard to do right it is difficult to lose that part of who we are. It is like losing you arm. You can't just c ut it off or pretend it is not there. I to watch things (porn) but do things reserved when my H is home. When he is not home I am a different person.

He likes me to dress feminine. Not nasty but pink nail polish, no make up, tasteful clothes. When he is out of town I wear black nail polish or dark purple and clothes that make me feel young. His least fav outfit is a pair og camo pants that looks like someone threw purple metalic paint on them . I wear them w/ goth boots, and a purple shirt that (80's type) that is short sleeved w/ a wide neck and your shoulder's show. It is who I am. I used to dress like a slut. I loved it. I like to turn heads. I do know what you mean. I dress reserved when my H is around and not so much when he is not.

My son told me one day (since he is home now due to home schooling) "Mom I love your outfit" You look so cool. Even my kids have no idea of what I'm really like. It is like you are leading two separate lives. I do not think there is anything wrong w/ living out your fantastic the way you are. You are right your H would not be pleased most likely. My H would not be pleased if he found out I talk to real people here at PC. He is controlling and very jealous. He doesn't like me using the computer at all when he is home and he had better not catch me using it in the middle of the night.

The idea of you flirting w/ others on fetlife does concern me. I understand why you do it though. I can seem harmless. Most likely it is. Just like me watching porn but it could easily lead you astray. So do be careful. I to have to be careful in my viewing habits.