Thanks everyone. I think I just really do miss my old ways, I know it sounds bad but I miss being owned, I was a pet to my master and he owned me completely. I liked to dress like a ***** I loved it. I loved all the kinky stuff and the fetishes, I just miss the fun. Sex with my guy, I'm not even joking its totally routine 98% of the time, almost as if I know exactly what he is going to do next! He doesn't want to be controlling, he doesn't want to make decisions for me even when I ask, I miss being controlled. I miss it when my master would show me off to the world. I was a wild one, he would spank me red raw, then I'd still be cheeky and earn another punishment. I obeyed his rules (mostly) and submitted to him, he owned me body and soul.
I just feel so out of place lately, its made me insecure because I just don't belong in this way. Its no fun being cheeky if it gets ignored, its no fun dressing like a shore if it makes him mardy. I feel out of place. Does that make sense