Hi Freeda,

I'm one of JW who has also experienced clinical depression, GAD, and PTSD. Like you, I've felt the hurt that comes when others in the congregation don't understand mental illness or know how to support those who deal with it. Also like you, I've had occasion to question my faith and commitment as a JW after realizing that, at times, the governing body has been incorrect in some of their teachings. For my part, after alot of prayer, study, and soul searching, I've chosen to remain in the congregation as JW. Here are some points that helped me come to a decision. Perhaps they will help you.

1. A person or organization does not have to understand God’s will perfectly in order to be used by God.

The Bible is full of accounts of imperfect men who sometimes failed to understand God’s will fully, yet God still used them to deliver His messages. For example, for quite some time, the apostles thought Jesus was going to restore God’s Kingdom to the earth during the 1st century. They didn’t understand fully, yet God still used them to preach and even in some cases write Bible chapters.

Also, the book of Revelation shows that the first century congregation had some false teachings going on. Did that mean they were no longer God’s people? No, but they needed correction, which was given to them in Revelation. Today too, sometimes the Governing Body may not fully understand a teaching. But when they become aware of the error in teaching, they make adjustments to conform more closely with the Bible.

Remember the scripture where Jesus told his followers "I have many more things to share with you, but you are not able to bear it at the present time? Learning things doesn’t happen with a sudden lightbulb and full understanding. We start with a foundation and build upon that little by little, adding new dimensions of understanding and letting go of knowledge that no longer fits. As humans, we aren’t capable of knowing “everything” and having “all the answers.” We do our best to understand scripture and live by it, and when we find out that we are mistaken in some way about a teaching, we adjust.

2. What percentage of the things the Watchtower Society has taught you about God and the Bible has been proven with scripture to your satisfaction, so that you believe it and put trust in it?

In my case, I'd say 90%. Do you know of another religion that is dispensing more than 90% truth according to the Bible? I don't. Then what is the benefit of leaving JWs? Does it make sense to stick to a course that has been 90% proven – or is it better to “throw out the baby with the bath water,” abandoning 100% of your life course as a JW because you are conflicted about 10% of the teachings? Assuming you can't find a religion more than 90% accurate, will you be happier in a different religion, or in not serving God at all?

3. When it comes to remaining a JW, or leaving JWs, you can find support either way, depending on where you seek advice.

We are all influenced by the people we interact with. They can shape our opinions and motivate us one way or the other. For example, if I want to start working out at the gym and losing weight, who am I going to seek out to help me? People who eat junk food and whose idea of exercise is flipping the TV remote? No, I’m going to seek out companions who will help support my goals.

If, in your heart, your goal is to remain a JW, then you will seek advice, support, and help from other JWs with this dilemma, with the goal of putting your doubts to rest and renewing your faith. You will also spend a great deal of time in prayer to God, asking for His help and direction, and in study of the Bible. On the other hand, if in your heart, you want to leave JWs, then continue too seek out advice from non-JWs and ex-JWs, who will back up your desire to leave the organization.

It really boils down to where your heart is and what you want. If you believe you are better off inside Jehovah’s organization, seek help from within it to strengthen your faith. If you think you are better off leaving, seek help from non or ex-JWs.

4. Most of all, seek help from God.

Above all, seek help from God and ask for his direction. As humans, we are all imperfect, and our opinions vary. You can find humans who will advocate every sort of lifestyle and belief system known to man. Seek help from the Creator, who made man.

5. Make Sure You Address the Right Problem

Are you sure your main issue is with the accuracy of the Governing Body? I ask this because all JWs study, learn, and prove this to themselves before they ever get baptized. What has caused you to re-question everything?

Could it be possible that the main issue is not with the accuracy of the Governing Body, but instead, with the hurt and disappointment you feel personally from having a serious mental illness that isn’t well understood yet, and for which you have not received the comfort and support you need from the congregation?

If this is the case, stop going in circles about whether or not the Governing Body can be God’s method of dispensing spiritual information, if they are capable of making errors. Focus instead on how to deal with your own hurt and disappointment in not getting the support you need, and how to forgive your fellow Christians for their failure to do so.

I know from personal experience that it hurts terribly to endure clinical depression and anxiety and not feel supported. But it is also true that it mental illness is not well understood yet. This is true, not just in Jehovah’s organization, but in churches and the public in general. Many people care, but don’t know what to say or do to help. Others want to help, but because they don’t really understand depression, their attempts to cheer us up or nudge us out of our mindset may make us feel invalidated. Can we forgive them, understanding that their failure to support us is rooted more in ignorance about mental illness, rather than, as you stated in your title, "displaying and promoting harmful behaviors?"

As stated before, when the governing body sees the need to make adjustments to conform more closely with the Bible, they often do. Recently, the Watchtower Society has begun giving more consideration to mental health issues in an attempt to encourage those of us who struggle. Just recently at a convention, the speaker told the audience very clearly that depression is not a sign of spiritual weakness, and that sufferers deserve loving support and not criticism. But it is going to take some time for people to learn what depression, anxiety, and PTSD are about, and to change their methods of helping to actions that are more comforting and effective. Can you exercise patience now knowing that things are beginning to change in that direction? Can you forgive others for not supporting you, knowing that it is due to ignorance about mental illness and not because they are unloving people who don’t care about you?

Believe me, I’ve been where you are. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, GAD, and PTSD for over 10 years now. I’ve experienced the pain that comes with mental illness, from being misunderstood, sometimes by my closest friends. I’ve experienced the hurt and disappointment from well-meaning but hurtful suggestions to just “pick myself up by the bootstraps” or “study more.” I've had friends question whether I'm turning apostate because I've expressed misgivings with the organization. I’ve often struggled alone.

BUT -- I’ve been able to keep in mind the big picture. I’ve been able to see this as a test of my faith. It’s an opportunity to show Jehovah that I love him, and I am willing to serve Him even when it’s hard, even when I don’t feel understood or supported. It’s an opportunity to learn how to rely on him, rather than on other humans or myself. I trust that if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and doing my best to serve Him, it’s going to all work out OK in the end.

I proved to myself the teachings of the Bible years ago. I proved to myself that Jehovah’s organization is the one He is using here on the earth. I proved to myself what God’s will is, what He expects of us, and what the future holds. If I’m having a problem now with mental illness, lack of understanding from the friends, the need for support, etc., then THAT is what I’m going to focus on resolving. I don’t need to go back to the very beginning and start questioning everything all over again. To me, that would equate to “not being able to see the forest but for the trees.” This is a big hurdle on the road to life, but it doesn’t have to be an insurmountable mountain. I can get past this hurdle, and I believe you can too, if that is truly what you want to do.

You know, when Job was struck with terrible boils from head to toe, when he lost his servants, his crops, his children, and his health, that was bad enough. But then his three friends, his “false comforters” showed up, and rather than having empathy and compassion, they told Job that he was suffering because he had sinned and displeased God. They basically told Job that he deserved the bad things that were happening to him. But they were wrong. And eventually, God corrected the wrong viewpoint of Job's three "comforters." Job endured that difficult trial, and in the end he was blessed with so much more than he had before.

Like Job, we may undergo serious illness and trials. Like him, we may not receive the help and comfort we need. Well meaning friends may criticize us because they don't understand the whole situation. Others well meaning ones may try to help us in a way that feels invalidating rather than supportive. But can we believe that Jehovah knows the situation and is there to support us? Can we be patient as Job was, knowing that if we stay faithful to God, He will reward our loyalty, just as he did for Job? It helps too to remember that behind the scenes, Satan was the one bringing trials on Job. We know that he will target us too. But if our faith in God stays strong, He will help us through any trial we face.

Servants of God, both in the past and now, are imperfect, they make mistakes, sometimes big ones. But the true test is when those mistakes or sins affect us personally. Can we forgive others for their lack of understanding and support, just as we hope God will forgive us for our failures?

I don’t know about you, but before I was hit with clinical depression, I didn’t understand what it was all about. I didn’t go out of my way to assist fellow believers who struggled with it. To be honest, I probably didn't notice the ones who were depressed. Depressed ones often don't stick out because they tend to withdraw and not share their inner pain. Also, I didn't know what signs to look for. Because of this, I feel sure that some of my fellow Christians endured emotional and mental anguish without my awareness or my help. But it wasn’t because I didn’t love the friends! It was because I didn’t understand mental illness. I didn't know how to identify it, or how to help those suffering with it. I was not unloving; I was ignorant. I would surely hope that the people I failed to notice or help would forgive me for my lack of support. And for this reason, I am trying my best to process my own disappointment and pain, while forgiving my brothers and sisters for failing me in my time of need.

I could have easily left Jehovah's organization because of what I've gone through. I could have let my disappointment and pain cause me to give up. But instead of leaving Jehovah’s organization because it has disappointed me, my goal is to work on my own recovery, so that in time, I can be somebody in the congregation who DOES notice when a person is depressed, who DOES understand what it’s about, and who DOES offer comfort and support in the way that is needed.

How about you? Your experience can devastate your faith, or it can make you stronger. You can leave Jehovah's organization in disappointment, or you can stay and use your own experience to help others. Because we've suffered the effects of mental and emotional pain, and what it is like to not have support, we may be able to prevent others from experiencing the same sense of discouragement and aloneness we’ve felt. We can overcome our own pain and disappointment and be a catalyst for change in the congregations. We can learn to forgive, as we want to be forgiven. We can show by our example how to be "a true companion" and "a brother born for when there is distress."

My heart and prayers are with you,
Peaches