I am really in a place. I am full of manic rage and at the same time sad.

I always knew that my father didn't have my back. I've always known it. But the fact that I stupidly kept believe that maybe, just maybe this time he will... No, no, no, over and over the answer needs to be "does my father have my back?" The answer is NO.

So for the second time right before Christmas, my father and his wife have informed us that we're to get out of the house where we live (he is the landlord.) And we're no longer welcome in their home, which is fine with me. And I don't know why I don't learn from my entire lifetime of knowing that 1) he didn't want me, he wanted a boy, 2) I was never good enough, 3) he always talks crap about me behind my back, wanting everyone to agree with him that I'm the scum of the earth, 4) when he is "generous" enough to help, he constantly crams that fact that down your throat, 5) he will let his wife throw his grandchildren into the street without batting an eye, even as she sits there threatening to throw him into a home.

Can you disown your parents? How would I do that? Not just never to see them again, but like keep them away from us for real? At this point he can die alone, which is true, his heart is very bad. I am done with him. He's already dead to me.