Sometimes we do things while being drunk or high that tend to affect people for a long time and the only way to allow their thinking to change is just to keep getting better and changing for the better of ourselves. I hurt alot of people while being out especially my family and still today even after being sober for over 3 years im constantly reminded of how i was before and how much i hurt them in the past. I get treated still by some of my family as though ive never changed. Some things we cant fix but we always can be willing to try. I was married once before(my husband passed away) but while married i went to aa. i cant say i dont go anymore because of the same reasons you have but i dont go because its a huge reminder of my husband. i can relate to the meds issue though when you speak about wanting to go off meds not thinking your doc cares. For me i was on a combo of meds that made me hallucinate and lose reality for over two months. When trying to call and repeatedly get in touch with her fearing for my life i ended up in the hospital due to not getting a call back. i was there for 10 days and I quickly changed doctors and the doctor i have now has been great thus far in listening to my concerns. He is starting me on a new med that he called into today called pristuq which ive never taken so i am a little worried about what may come about while taking it. Im really glad you responded back and if ever you need someone to talk to or if i can help in anyway, im usually online periodically during the day. I wish you goodluck tomorrow. Have a good night