angel, I totally understand the confusion trying to figure out where expressing a need ends and "neediness" begins. Part of the reason I put forward this image that everything is ok, and I need nothing is precisely because I was frequently told I was too needy as a child. And any time you are trying to learn a new way of behaving can be uncomfortable and confusing.

The first thing that helped me was watching other people...some people out there really don't have the problem of being overlooked. I will admit, some get the attention because they project this aura of vulnerability, pretty much the same way we project this aura of complete autonomy. And I'm not sure that's something we can really learn how to do. But I see other people who just have a way of asking for what they want without pleading, or seeming needy. You know, like a casual, "hey, call me if you're doing anything this weekend"...stuff like that. One thing I have seen that definitely doesn't work, though, is complaining about being neglected. One person here at work does that all the time ("no asked me to go along!!!"), and the only effect is that people avoid her even more.

Anyway, it has helped me to watch and try to copy what others have done. And, something that has been a huge help for me, is that my therapist offers suggestions about how to ask for what I want or need. She'll say, why don't you try saying this? But there's no pressure that I have to do what she suggests...she just throws out ideas. But it helps a lot with figuring out what might be the best way to communicate what I want.

I don't know if you are lucky enough to have a T that could help you with this. But you could certainly bring up any specific things here, and see what kinds of suggestions you might get.

*hugs*
mj