Swimmy-
I am sorry you are struggling right now.

I also understand wanting t to "plan it out" for you. For a long time I wanted my t to do that for me as well. I wanted her to tell me how to fix it. It took me months to realize that 1) t would not do that because she cared about me. 2) by not doing the planning for me, t was teaching me what I needed to learn.

T sometimes says a change happened this summer and I stopped playing "victim" and started taking control of my issues. (I am not implying that you are playing victim. I am only speaking about my own experience.) Once I realized this, my relationship with t became much stronger. I no longer took offense at her pushing when it was necessary. I became much more open to t's suggestions. I also found it much easier to ask t for exactly what I needed. I could be specific with my requests. If I needed a skill, I asked her to help me specifically with that skill.

I am not sure if this is at all helpful for you. I think looking at what you wrote, you initially wanted t to do the work that only you can do...but deep inside you knew that what you really wanted support in doing the work yourself. Is it possible for you to ask t very specifically for the support you need?