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I had that at home, in my home too. I don't know if it is better to be alone while working through PTSD, of have a husband who is contantly staring at you and asks you questions that you truely don't know how to answer. Or for some reason you spend a lot of time on PC because you are finding that it is helping your brain slow down and it is the one way you can gain access to the you that is "normal". And your husband comes home and wonders why you are not cleaning the house or doing something else.
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Open eyes this statement is so me. It seems I am home all day and get nothing done. I can see what needs to be done I tick away at it slowly and nothing gets accomplished. I try so hard then my H comes home and says "What in the hell do you do all day" and I can't find the words to tell him. I feel exausted and I have tackled the house work in bits in pieces because that is only way I can seem to do it. I don't not do it on purpose, I know what needs to be done, I try, I'm so scattered mentally I can't keep on task. I don't try to disobey and tick my H off. If I could I would do anything to keep the piece.
You are so right about the language barriers to. The words live in my head and I cannot get them out. It is like feeling live in me and you can't speak a feeling. We speak words. I can feel it, I can live it, I know what I want to say because I can think it but I can't say it. I know that sounds weird. I can write it sometimes but not all the time. Sometimes it is just to much confussion to be able to put words w/ it. Other times people who read what I write cannot believe the thoughts and organization live w/in me. Because talking to me is very scattered. Things come out wrong or I cannot find the right word.The right things come out at the right time. I have learned to just be quiet and people think I am stuck up or weird. I just hate looking foolish. Between being told by my H what you have to say is not important, to just shut up and my own feeling of inadequacy it doesn't have much benefit to me to speak up.
you do make some very good points open eyes. You shed light on this all the time. PTSD seems to just be something that is raked under the rug and covered up. I know I have brought so many issues to my T and she most likely has a tough time determining what to tackle first. I have kind just put things out there in the form of a verbal list. A kind of well I have this going on and she looks at me like why didn't you say so sooner. Then the next week I tell her I have this life long issue that makes me see things this way or that way and again she has the "what" kind of look . I can only seem to get things out there in a verbal list. Just spit out little pieces at a time. I finally told my T though "I think you have enough little pieces no to make a big picture" she didn't have any questions really.
You have been such a blessing to me to have an idea of what is going on. Because it is quite scary to wonder what in the hell is going on w/ me. And my H confirming I'm crazy. I'm not crazy just struggling to make it the best way I know how and alone at that.
Thank you again for all your insight.