I've never been sure if my more intense "highs" were mania or hypomania.....the lines are pretty blurred. To me, hypomania is like the best feeling in the world---plenty of energy, tons of optimism, I can do anything, work like a dog all day and be ready to party all night, and will join a dozen committees because I'm passionate about all of those causes.

I have had some episodes that might have been full-blown mania, because they were much more extreme than my usual upswings. The last one was in June, and I was bouncing off the walls---couldn't sleep, couldn't be bothered to eat because I might miss something, fidgety (I never stopped tapping my fingers or shaking a leg all the time I was awake), couldn't shut up, and I didn't give a rat's @$$ if somebody didn't like it. I wasn't out of touch with reality, but I had absolutely NO insight and only called my pdoc when I was so out of control that I freaked out. That's when I was put on Zyprexa, which was a lifesaver as it brought me down within a couple of days.

Sometimes, though, even hypomania will turn on me and become dysphoric, where I've still got lots of energy but I'm PISSED. I'm irritable, touchy, hostile, and I don't give a flying fig if I hurt people by saying mean things. I can't count the number of times I've had to apologize to family members and friends for being a butt-head. This is probably the hardest part of my bipolar that they have to deal with, and of course I always feel horrible after I'm over the episode. Wish I could short-circuit that process!