But on the other side, this seems like the typical behaviour of an abusive person - to blame the victim (though i dont really feel like a victim at all)."

YES, YES, YES. That's a factual true statement.

In the beginning of your post I thought, "Maybe this is what was needed and might be a turning point." I thought that until I read that he turned it around on you and your behavior.

NOTHING justifies physical abuse...nothing. With everything you've shared here, I think you know that already, though. In those times, he could've walked away. There are too many possibilities and he chose to get physical and now he's justifying it by turning it back around on you.

Yes, you're right...that is the typical behavior of an abusive person...which he is. Does that mean he's a horrible person, incapable of care? No, and that's why it can be so confusing. It means that he has issues he needs to deal with.

I wish you so well and hope you keep us updated.

KD

Quick thought...what would you tell your sister or best friend if she'd shared these things with you? You deserve the best...as anyone else does.