I am pretty in touch with my emotions, that is until it comes to my so called mother, and then i feel very little, at times no feeling at all, other times a bit of disgust, but no love or warmth at all, ever.
I know she hurt me, let me down as a child badly, but i am a good person, know all about forgiveness etc, i tried for years to forgive, but got nothing in return except rejection and accused of being a liar.
now i have no care whether she is alive or dead. I have lived hundreds of miles away from her for 20+ years, had no contact for most of that time, and know in the depths of my heart that i will not be affected in any way even if she died tomorrow.
is it wrong of me to feel like this? she did bring me into the world afterall.
how long should one try to forgive with nothing in return before settling for the fact it is a worthless exercise to continue?
is this normal for people whose parent did not protect them as children and let the abusers continue living in the family home just for their own needs.
I am so scared of being rejected and hurt again, that i really think it is best the way it is, but feel like others around me think i am weird for being so cold when family are mentioned, i know they think it weird that i do not go home for christmas even though i have explained that my family are detrimental to my well being
am i normal or am i a friek for being this way?