Some people are toxic to our mental and physical health, and we just can't be around them, even if they're our mother! It's unfortunate and downright SAD that this happened to you!! Mothers are SUPPOSED to protect and nurture their children -- but there are some females who should never have had children. Since they did, they should have taken parenting classes or learned how to nurture their kids -- but unfortunately this doesn't happen much of the time.
And the children are the ones who get hurt in the long run.

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. I know you're suffering from it, and it's heartbreaking. Have you been in therapy for it? I would suggest that you do, because at some point or another it's going to rare-up and "bite you" and this kind of thing can manifest itself by turning into anger, depression, rage, etc. A therapist can help you work thru those issues.

I wish you the very best. Please take care of yourself. God bless & good luck. Hugs, Lee