My Support Forums - View Single Post - once a cutter always one..but one in recovery

peaches86 · Dec 18, 2012, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

I stopped cutting myself almost 9 years ago with the exception of an incident when I was on Zoloft but I was pretty much psychotic then anyway. Despite having hundreds of scars covering my arms and legs I don't identify with it anymore and find the idea of doing it rather odd. It's a coping mechanism that worked when I had nothing else and sometimes a reaction to weird thinking and ideas going through my mind but the idea that I would always be a "cutter" even worse. "once a cutter always a cutter" thinking sets you up to fail.

In reading after in the title its says "but one in recovery". Cutting can be like an addiction. A coping mechanisim, (as you stated you used at one time) some use just as some would turn to alcohol or drugs for an momentary escape. I used to cut and its been 5 years since ive last done it but i still have the wondering thoughts about what if i did or not. Thats not to say i would do it because i know me well enough that i wouldnt. But i tend to still go through the thinking of it just as i too am a recovering alcoholic. I dont drink and have been sober for 3 years but i still have the thoughts some days on what would happen if i picked up a drink. Me being an alcoholic cant say in ten years time that because ive not drank im not one anymore. Thats dangerous thinking to a person in recovery. My husband(who has since passed away) was sober for 15 years before returning back to alcohol only to find himself back where he had started while first getting sober. He gained 3 years before passing away but while being out the 4 years he was he helped damage his body enough to complicate his health, making it much harder to survive during his last months of life. My point in this is that some are lucky enough to just stop and never look back when it comes to such afflictions brought unto themselves, but some are not so much and have to live a life of recovery from it, whether it be drugs, alcohol, cutting, food, or anything one uses or has used as a tool they see as a way of coping. I say congrats to you on not having the thoughts or actions of cutting in 9 years time and wish you many such more years. Im sorry if it sounds as though im lashing out or replying in an angry manner, as im not. I just felt as though i needed to stress that not all can forget or change their thinking about certain situations or behaviors used during their lifetime as easy as some can. I am one of those people. I will always be a cutter and will always have the scars to remind me i am. But i choose to live in recovery rather than hurting myself because for me its not easy to just forget and let things go.