"I feel so awful (selfish really) for writing this, but I need to get it out"quote Rose

Why do you feel "selfish"? Why do you feel that you "can't" be a part of the discussion and share your personal experience?

I am so glad you came here to talk about this Rose. You know how it feels to lose someone to gun violence first hand. And you deserve to grieve that, share that and talk about it. It is "not" being selfish, but that does come from your past that you would think that way. Understand that in your past you did not have people around you that were willing to "see you and validate you" the way you needed it, deserved it. You do not have to continue feeling that way any longer. You have a right to "feel" and talk about it and be heard and validated.

Just because you do not have a child of your own, doesn't disqualify you to feel pain, and share your own pain. Because it is the "same" kind of pain when we lose someone this way, whether it is a child or a parent or anyone close to us.

This is the time to "self observe" Rose, are you disconnecting from others at work because you feel you should not "include" your feelings about how this is affecting you? Are you telling yourself you "can't" share because you don't have your own child? Are you unknowingly looking for reasons to not being allowed to have your pain?

If you are not sharing, and are "hiding out" with "your pain" that will lead others to misunderstand you. This is part of how we can unknowingly push ourselves into "disconnect". It is "ok" to show our own emotions in a situation like this. It is a time to stop our inner mind from saying to ourselves that others will "sigh and discard our feelings and may even say "this is not about you Rose" to us somehow". This is what I was constantly told myself, so you are not alone in hearing that in the back of your mind.

Because the truth is, this is about all of us, and we are all touched by this deeply in our own ways. If others cannot see that, that it is never because we do not deserve to feel our own pain. And the only way to finding those that actually "can" see our pain, is to offer our pain along with everyone else. And in doing that, we slowly begin to connect to others. You are doing that here, and you are learning that it is ok to do that. That is a beginning to Rose, having permission to be "Rose" and that is truely OK.

((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes