I don't post a lot....but I do read...probably more than I should sometimes. I came here in a huge way...very confused....very lost....very scared about what was happening with my wife and her past SA finally coming out....and I put it all out there. Shortly after finding PC I found another site specifically for spouses of SA survivors. I thought that's what I was looking for....way wrong answer. After a few days they had me thinking geeeez....I was never going to be able to touch my wife again....never going to have sex again......and I was probably going to go through this for years and years and end up divorced. It was depressing to say the least. Glad I left cause it didn't help at all.

OE hit the nail on the head....I have PTSD too...and it can be challenging. I do have anger issues...not as bad now...but any man finding out to what extent his wife was hurt by another is going to be angry....PTSD just magnifies it. I don't want to be the one that adds to my wife's pain. I don't always know how I'm going to react or what to say....partly because I'm a man....and we say some stupid things. One minute I think....hey I've got this....the next minute...I'm overwhelmed and shutting down. My shrink tells me...you've been here....you've done this....remember how it felt and how you got through it....yes it's different for her but it's also the same. I keep hearing I'm doing a great job and I'm doing things right....I'm just never really sure. Hearing from others here that have been through this in some way really helps. It's not just shrink logic but hands on knowledge.

I know I was kinda vague with the "worse before it gets better" thing. I do understand we may be going through this worse part for some time. Not to go into to much detail...my wife was able to find her voice and let out a lot of anger and pain this past weekend. A lot of it was directed towards me even though it had nothing to do with me. It really hurt and I had to keep telling myself it wasn't about me. It was really hard to see a person that has always maintained control....lose control. I'm told I have to let her get it out...I did my best. I finally realized that I had to get all the guns out of the house...and the only meds in the house are now out of reach. That was a really hard realization to have. Things are more calm now, but I know they aren't going to stay that way.....so I do appreciate any input and advice from those who have been there.

For those of you that had no idea what I was going through and showed your support......thank you for understanding that I was struggling. For those of you that did have an idea where I was and what might be going on......thank you for your understanding and positive input. I love my wife and would do anything for her...I just have to realize that I'm limited on what I can actually do. Yes...I still hate PTSD!!

Yoda....You gave me an idea for an awesome gift........and that cat picture always makes me smile when I see it....thank you.

Thanks again,

Gman