Lee, I have already been through the anger stage, the hate stage, the why me stage, the look like i don't care but really i do stage.... etc, i have touched on it in therapy, it is well known throughout my care team that i do not have anything to do with my immediate family and the reasons why. most of the time i am ok with it, but occasionally it does bite me, more the guilt of how i feel about them, not sadness or loss of their support.. that was never there in the first place. i really do not like the feelings i have towards my family, especially the total lack of care or interest for/in my mother, this is a part of me i do not like, maybe because i think of me as being a good person, and good people love and forgive but i really truly can't. i think it is something to do with me knowing Christmas is a time when families get together, i have the story book idea that they have fun and love is all around, which makes me feel like an alien, the oddity. it doesn't help that my carer comes in every day talking about how her mum did this for her and her dad is getting her that, and how she is getting her son every toy he asks for even when i have told her it upsets me.