Yes, me too. I am trying to let him in, but it is really difficult. When I am disclosing information pertaining to who I am sometimes, I feel like I speak one word for every ten minutes, lol, just trying to get it out.

I have felt shame, and I mean FELT it, right in front of him. How uncomfortable, both the shame, and having an observer. But he is very accepting and kind, I truly feel like he sees the real me, not my surface behaviors. I feel like he understands me, and that gives me a greater feeling of safety. I don't have to convince him of how I want my therapy to go, we seem to have similar views.

I had difficulty telling him that I was angry the week before because I had to miss an appointment and he couldn't fit me in to see him. I felt HORRIBLE. I told him that I KNOW this is irrational, that I had to cancel, and that you not having an opening is normal, but my emotions are anything but normal. It is difficult to have ego dystonic emotions, and can potentially be shaming to tell a therapist if the therapist responds angrily or annoyed. He encouraged me to tell him, and he took it in stride as far as I could tell. It was really difficult, I had to push myself to do it.

So, tolerating it all is the thing that will get us through, imo. It is very difficult to let yourself be seen, especially if this has happened before and others have responded negatively (which is probably why you want to hide). I have to put on a facade everyday and act normal at work, it is so draining. I hate it.

It sounds like you are pushing yourself to tell your therapist things, and I think that continuing to just go and tolerate the anxiety/shame/pain, is a path to healing wounds. Best of luck to you.