Nothing good will come from attempting suicide. Either you succeed and hurt everyone around you, or you don't and still hurt everyone around you and yourself and feel like more of a failure for having tried and not finished it. I don't want to live either, but I know that God wouldn't let me go through this without a purpose. I also believe he is a God of love and gets no enjoyment from my suffering. I just need to be obedient and trust that when he is done working through me than he will either ease my suffering or take me home.