I too have BPD, along with bipolar and ptsd.. The BPD tends to get me the most though. I am also alone for the first time on Christmas. I can't even hear another Christmas song without it reminding me of everything, all the relationships, I have lost. My family doesn't know how to deal with me and most have given up trying. I have given up as well. Unfortunately I can't give you any real advice, other than keep coming to this forum, it's the only solace I can find. I spent New Years in the hospital almost dead from septic Pneumonia, Thanksgiving in the hospital after kidney stone surgery, now Christmas alone in a hotel because my daughter wanted me to move out, she didn't even give me a reason, just some excuse which I know is a lie. I am one of the few men who have BPD, I am 46 and have known since 15, when I started cutting, that something was wrong. I told my family but nobody believed me, they figured it was part of being a teen. If you want to PM me we can be alone together on Christmas!