I have been diagnosed with multiple problems, from BPD to Bipolar 2 to PTSD, plus a whole variety of physical problems. The BPD gets me the most though. I cannot control my emotions anymore. I am one of the few men who have it. I am 46 and it's getting worse, not better like it's supposed to, with age. For the first time I will be spending Christmas alone, in a hotel, waiting to move yet again. I am physically and emotionally drained and not a day goes by that I don't shed a tear. I never used to cry, now it's daily. All I focus on is suicide to make the pain go away. I have had 3 serious overdoses in the past year. It's so bad that in January I had pneumonia which turned septic, I had a fifty fifty chance of survival. They saved me and when I regained consciousness four days later and learned what happened, i was upset they saved me. I have two daughters that I try to stick around for, but they deserve a father who isn't constantly depressed.