When someone is "abused" or even "neglected" or is "raised in disfunction" they slowly form what is called "victim mentality". And they are not truely "aware" of how this has taken place in them. Somehow there was really no one there to tell them what they were dealing with and how to react and "especially be heard" by others.

If you really just sat back and observed many of the threads put up in PC, what you are going to constantly see is. "How can I get others to "listen to me"? And the two busiest forums at PC is the "Relationships" and "Depression" forums.

The one area that human beings all struggle with is "LISTENING". And we often simply do not know how to "listen" to our children or others. And because of that, we tend to develope some very "unhealthy" thinking patterns as a result.

When we struggle to be heard, we often begin to think that the only way to be heard is to do something "big" and "important" so that finally, people will hear us and that is how to finally "feel better and safe and healthy".

If, when we are growing up, we do not get the right nurturing where we feel we are "heard" from our first crys through our childhoods, we slowly begin to suffer and often one of the results is "low self esteem".

Remember, it was not long ago when parents truely thought, "children are to be seen and "not" heard". And what that did was begin a long line of parents that were going to have "disfunction" offered to their children.

Big Mama, one of your fondest memories is the "five minutes" your grandmother LISTENED TO YOU. She did not have "money to buy for you", instead she decided to give you those FIVE MINUTES OF UNDEVIDED ATTENTION. Somehow, she realized how important that was, somehow she knew what she wanted and needed and may not have gotten enough of.

The "base" for good mental health for every human being is how they are taught "How to be heard" and "how to listen to others". If a child grows up thinking that the only way people will recognize and listen to them is by what "things" they have, they will live out their lives with a "must have the right things to be heard" mentality. And, if they cannot have the right "things" they will quietly suffer with feeling "inadequate" and unworthy of "being heard".

A very interesting thing happened to me Big Mama. I had a client come to my farm that brought her grandchild to ride one of my ponies. This woman had an aura to her where I could tell she was educated and comanded "control" of her life. So I made sure that I gave her space to interact with her grandchild and have the power.

We walked around and talked and a lot of her attention was directed towards getting the child to sit up straight on the pony and "stop slouching". Each time she directed the child, it came out in a command and that command would only last a very short time. So basically I observed the constant command over and over.

Finally, this woman decided to relinquish her need for control and asked me to "teach the child something". So I stopped and took over the communication with this 3 year old little girl. And I began to ask her if she liked "princesses" and right away she zoomed in on me and said "yes". Then I asked her if she would like to "be a princess" and her reply was "yes". Then I asked her if she would like to learn how to be a princess and she said "yes". So I displayed to her the difference between holding my body in an ugly slouch and then holding my body like a princess. I made sure "she" got to choose again, which one she would rather be.

When we continued to walk and she learned how to sit like a princess, because she is only three and would get "distracted" and "slouch", all I had to do is say, "Woops, remember about how you want to be a princess", and she would again sit up. So all I had to do is say "princess"? and she would respond.

Well, it turned out that the "grandmother" was a "child psychologist" who was a professor, author and working child psychologist. She made sure to tell me that "I missed my calling" and I should seriously consider becoming a child psychologist.

I was "perplexed" because I had only done what I have always done with "children" and it was just "normal" to me, and I had even raised my own child that way. However, a basic to me was being "missed". In all my years of teaching, I did know that every child I worked with learned best, by me asking them "what they wanted" first and then working from there.

So many parents and even professionals don't know that, they seem to think that "children need constant instruction" and "direction" and they never seem to give a child time to "talk about what they like or want or need". In our world today, we hand children so much information, and we tend to be so busy that we just give them activities and toys and say, "go play" I have to do this or that, "don't bother mommy, she is busy" or "you better behave today because I am not in the mood". So, children learn from very early ages, "I cant talk or express my needs, I have to just behave and listen to orders".

People who struggle with PTSD and other challenges, are often finding themselves having to relearn or even learn for the first time, "how to be heard, how to get people to listen, and be ok with being heard and getting others to listen to them". It is very "sad" to see how bad it really is, and how many people are so completely confused about "being heard" or that they actually deserve to have someone "LISTEN" to them.

Society as a whole has developed so many messages that say "go fix it yourself, do what I tell you to do, and don't come to me with it because "I don't want to hear it".
And that becomes the core message that is put into the "subconsious mind" of so many.

So Big Mama, that is one of the big main issues that "you" have to also find your way towards understanding and remaping in your mind. And the therapy and healing is part of learning how to finally understanding all the ways "people simply do no know how to listen in general". AND, the bigger problem is finally sorting through all the built emotions that revolve around this "main problem".

You have to finally learn how to "accept" on a much larger scale, what this means and how to finally see it and allow yourself to understand it in a way where you can begin to live your life being able to understand how people often do not know "how to listen" and that it isn't just "you" they do this with either. You have to finally understand that it is not "you that is truely failing" it is often how others are failing.

It is very hard to make peace with this problem, because it is a problem with "society" in general. What you now have to do is find inner peace in "accepting this" and learn how to live "your life" inspite of it. And you "can" slowly learn how to do that, but it takes time.

Open Eyes