Hi RJ.

Today I'm feeling a little better. I went to a new parent/baby group which gave me something to do. Yesterday was awful though! I was fine all day until I had a stupid row with my boyfriend (which I started over). I had a go at him for walking to the shop instead of driving. When I saw his car was still outside, I automatically thought that he was walking so that he could have as much as time away from as possible. I then threw the remote controller at the floor next to him, went into the bathroom and grabbed my razor blade. First time I have done that in over a year. Now social services have been informed and I'm really scared that my son will be taken from me. I can look after him. I never let any of this affect him.
Then I had the police knocking at my door at stupid oclock last night, they were sent to make sure I was ok and not in danger of myself.

Now my anxiety has hit hard because I'm just waiting for the day social come knocking on my door to see me. I feel like staying out of the house everyday so that they don't find me I'm so scared!

I managed to see my doctor on Monday morning. He has put me back on my anti-depressants and I have to see him again next week.

In a way, I feel maybe social services may be the better option, because maybe then they can actually push for me to finally get the psychological help that I need rather just masking all the problems with prescribed drugs.

I have spoken to a couple of friends who have been supportive and one of which helped me a lot last year when I was self-harming so she knows just how to handle me when I get in these moods.

Thank you for your comment and support.