I can identify with the part that talks about the struggle with the brain firing at the right time with "response".

I have discribed this in a different way, I often "react" first and then find myself only being able to address it "after" I react. The average person does not understand how challenging this is. Wow, I am often "riddled" with this problem and it has been a lot of work to first understand it, and then find the patience to work at it. It is the main reason why I tend to isolate too. I often worry about "reacting" and being misunderstood and having people react so badly to my "reactions" that I begin to experience a lot of confusion in my brain. I already know that I get to a point where I really struggle and I panic.

One of my big challenges is that my husband is a very "in your face" person and he is very "animated" and often intrusive. He has dislexia and he is "hyperactive" so his brain is "hurry up lets get going right away quick" and he also steps right into peoples comfort zone and tapps them and talks into their face. He can also be "loud" as well.
He is a really good man, but he doesn't have a sense of other's space somehow and he can completely and totally tire me out. He is even that way in his sleep, I end up huddled in the bottom of the bed holding a pillow next to my head for a shield.

I had an appointment with my T this week and my T told me that he is not going to be able to change and "I" have to be the one that works around "him". Sigh....I am trying so hard and when I "react" he gets even more "animated" with his face and body language and short temper or defeat or anger that I tend to lose my capacity to keep up.

And the problem with this situation is it goes way back for me to my childhood when my brother was the same way, only I was tramatized constantly. It is so much work and it has been very hard to understand how I managed before, but I cannot now, I am just so incredibly sensitive now. And my husband doesn't understand how I used to do ok, and now I just react the way I do. He is constantly saying think before you react and I don't work that way right now, it surprises me too.

Often when I am around him all weekend, by Monday I am totally exhausted. I am trying to explain it to him without "hurting" him. And I have almost told him how far it goes back, but I don't want him to see how he connects with how my brother abused me. I am sure others can relate to this challenge. It is sooo much work.

Open Eyes