WI...very wise post! I see what you are referring to about "payoff." It has occurred to me over the last couple of years, that I only know how to be miserable, that being in a happy, healthy relationship would not bring the payoff of misery to which I had become accustomed. It seems contradictory, but that was my mindset, not knowing how to be any other way. Thankfully, I have stopped that!
Great insight.
Patty