(((Big Mama))),

I am very sorry you were so alone with that experience. We often "think" that after we experience something like that we eventually "just" get over it. We never expect to deal with it in a PTSD. I don't know about you but my parents always answered bad things with "oh well, you will just get over it and move on". And that made it worse for me because I could not understand why I didn't really get over things.

I actually had something similar happen to me. I was date raped and I didn't plan on telling anyone, but I got pregnant from it and even then I feared that if I told the truth I would not be believed. And because I found out very early my parents just rushed me right to an abortion clinic. There was no questions but just do and move on. It was a horrible experience, very tramatizing and I had to learn again that advice of "just get over it and move on", well, I didn't really ever truely "just" at all with it. And on top of that my parents were "ashamed" of me, it was so awful. Deep inside I felt like a murderer, and that God would punish me somehow. And I honestly felt that any bad thing I experienced from that time on was "punishment".

So, you are really not alone in "thinking" you had to hide and had no one to talk to about how you really struggled. That really happens alot more than you realize and it is sad that so many women "hide" and "hold pain in like that" and really feel "guilty" or that they should have done something different.

(((((Big caring Hugs))))
Open Eyes