Sunday night was horrible. I lost my trazodone (one of my cats knocked it into the heating register on my floor). I freaked, because even though the trazodone doesn't help me sleep like the Seroquel does, it at least lets me get some sleep. When I don't sleep, I go crazy!!

I did everything I could think of to get the meds out of the register. Then, I went back and woke my husband up out of bed (at midnight), demanding that he pull up my kitchen floor, until he could get my meds out for me. (This seemed like a perfectly rational expectation to me at the time!!!)

Of course, Hubby came out, looking into the vent, and said "I can't see it!" then he went into the bathroom. I went into the bedroom, turned off the heater, opened the window and turned on every fan in the house. (The new med that the DR put me on makes me feel like I am about to catch fire any minute.)

Well, Hubby called me a name. I went off, and kicked him as hard as I could in the lower back. I basically started a fist fight with my husband.

When things calmed down a little, Hubby decided to leave, but I wouldn't let him. Things ended up with me pulling a knife with every intention of killing him, if he tried to go out the door.

The whole time all of this was going down, I knew I wasn't being rational, but I just couldn't stop! Finally, Hubby calmed me down enough to get me to go to sleep. He's been sleeping in my step-daughter's room since. I think to make sure he is safe.

During our fight, my knee, back and shoulder got kind of messed up. Hubby has three broken fingers, and an over-extended elbow from what I know. He doesn't want to talk about it too much, because he doesn't want me to feel bad, I think. He knows that this is not me!

Anyway, I called the Dr's office on Monday, and they got me in yesterday. It was weird, because my mom took me, and there were times that she was crying and there were times that my doctor seemed like she was going to cry. It was kind of horrible, actually.

So, the doctor put me back on my Seroquel, and prescribed me a low dose of klonopin to get me through until the Seroquel starts making things better. (On top of being what I would call psychotic, I've been having MASSIVE panic attacks, almost constantly!)

On Saturday, I went off on the pharmacist at my pharmacy, and yesterday I had to face him again, to get my meds. It was kind of horrible, but I apologized to him, and made a joke about no screaming at him again. At least I don't have to face-him-for-the-first-time-after-I-threatened-him ever again!

Around noon, yesterday, I took my first 50 mg does of Seroquel XR. Around 5, I took the second one. Then at bedtime, I took 200 mg of XR and 100 mg of the straight release.

I woke up this afternoon feeling good. The itchy-angry-looking-for-a-fight feeling seems to be completely gone already. I feel like I can breath again, and I know it will only get better from here!