Open Eyes that is horrible. I can't imagine what you must have gone threw. That is part of why I said nothing to my parents. I didn't want to be an outcast. I felt like one anyway but if my own parents felt that way then it must be so. I couldn't deal w/ that either.

My dad would die if he knew the things that have gone on between my H and myself. We have been in some pretty ugly disputes. I am afraid now like I was then. I am misleading the people I love now just like I did then. I'm living a lie. If my mom or dad knew the things that have gone on behind closed doors and the mental and emotional abuse I have suffered at the hands of my H, My dad I truly fear would kill my H. There has been instances where my father has came to my house and I hid w/ my children as my dad and my H had it out verbally. I was fully prepared for some one to get really hurt. No one did though. If my H were in my dads shoes he'd be the same way w/ our daughter. He'd kill some guy who mistreated her. It is difficult to keep a secret from the very people I love. My family would strongly encourage me to leave my H. If I didn't it would only make matters worse w/ ugly glares and cold words towards my H, towards someone I chose to stay married to. Right now we can all at least get along and be civil. My dad and my H may not be in complete agreence but they can relate and get along because my family doesn't know the truth. I can see that my decision to tell them is the right one for right now. It has been the right one for 18 years.

Thank you for listening. I have not told anyone the things I have just told you in this little piece and the piece above this one. It's scary to say. Seeing it written down somehow gives it rebirth. It was true, it was so, it did happen. My mind says it does and my words says it does, my body says it does. It's a sick kind of confirmation. How terrible and how strange that tomorrow I'll be glad I said it. If what I said can live in words here then all of it doesn't have to live inside me. If I can put the words here I can simply press print and my T can be let in. If she can be let in, what happened can live on in a file somewhere and not so much of it w/ just me.