I don't know if this is the correct forum to post this kind of issue...if it isn't, I'm sorry. But I'm really worried about my relationship between my boyfriend and I. At first, our relationship was almost seamless--PERFECT. He was very supportive, tried his best to take care of me, and he LISTENED to me. I really thought, for once, I was in a very healthy relationship because my past relationships were very emotionally, verbally, and one was also sexually abusive. Well, 3 months down the road the relationship plummeted to an ultimate low. We got in a very heated argument. I said some very mean things and vice-versa...I threw water on his face...and he grabbed me and threw me on the ground. The bruise was gigantic and it hurt to move for 2 weeks.

He apologized, promised he'd never do it again...

During these last 6 months (been together for 9) he had cheated on me...called me a *****, the c-word, and is always calling me stupid. He gets mad and yells at me just by me saying one sentence wrong. He constantly makes fun of the way I talk, which he knows is an insecurity of mine. Calls me fat when he knows I have an eating disorder. Calls me stupid even though he knows that Ive attempted suicide due to thinking that about myself.

He hates my friends and family and hates it when I spend time with them. He's always breaking into my phone to check my text messages, phone calls, Facebook messages / posts / comments, my emails. He always wants us to do things together and throws a huge fit if I want to do something that doesn't involve him.

I have bruises. Can't move my neck much because it hurts from him getting me into a choke-hold earlier today. He just got mad basically for no reason and decided to keep arguing with me and telling me how horrible I am, how much he hates me for 5 hours, knowing that I'm trying to prepare to hang out with my friend I rarely see. He mocks me...

I wanted to hang out with one of my other friends a few days ago and when she texted me to ask me what I was doing, he texted her (pretending to be me) "I'm hanging out with my boyfriend all day". He doesn't want me to hang out with my friends!!! It's always him, him, him! I never get me time and I'm so stressed out!

He wrecked my mala (Buddhist prayer bead necklace) that he gave me today, he cut himself and kept telling me how he's going to kill himself, GRABBED A KNIFE AND ASKED ME TO STAB HIM, and told me that it's my fault I get abused.

Yes, I say hurtful things when he does...yes, when he chokes me and chases me around the house, I get violent back and defend myself.

So is this abuse? Or am I just a terrible girlfriend?