Are you serious? Your relationship sounds horrific. This is 100%, definitely ABUSE. You need to get out! That behaviour is IN NO WAY even vaguely acceptable. I was in an (emotionally) abusive relationship that ended up with me suicidal and in hospital. An awful, awful time. And of course I blamed myself for being crazy, irrational, for "asking for it" and "deserving" it. She put me down in any way possible. It started out so subtly that I couldn't even tell it was happening. Then I started to get depressed, and the abuse got even more visible, and I got worse and worse until I just broke down and ended up in hospital

Please let me know if you want to talk by IM, I would like to help if I can...