Ah, I've got the same issue with the tilted uterus. So far I've only seen doctors (primarily female) and all the exams have been painful. No students yet, but I'd prefer to have one so long as the doctor or nurse was supervising. It's a great learning experience, and I find they're often more thorough because they're really thinking about what's going on.

As for male versus female, I've had this discussion with female family members. Most agree that men are gentler - like they don't have the equipment and aren't sure exactly what would be painful so they err on the side of caution. Women often assume other women are just like them, when we may be more sensitive. However, it's really going to come down to the individual practitioner. Not gender.

I always felt really bad for the male nursing students doing obstetrics, labor & delivery, and gynecology rotations. I feel that their education was often limited by their gender. It's definitely opened my eyes to the fact that that some of it's not just preference and comfort but also stigma. If I ever have a kid, I'll make sure to ask if any male students around who want to be part of the experience. Gotta fight the good fight!

Anyways, I'm glad you wrote the note and that your voice was heard. That's always important. I hope if there's ever a next time that you (and everyone reading this) will think to speak up before things go that far. You have a right to accept or refuse any care.