tonight was tough. I waited an hour in a coffee shop for a friend who was supposed to meet me after work just to have her cancel (she had to work overtime). That's not her fault, but it still makes me feel bad. Today was my last day of work for the year and I can't even celebrate with anyone...

I've always been really insecure about being alone and not having enough friends. It makes sense - my mother was emotionally unavailable, my whole family was dysfunctional, I didn't really have any friends in school. It's a lot of abandonment and feeling unwanted and not good enough. So I've never been successful at making friends as an adult either. I just wish I had someone who was really present in my life, someone who I knew I was important to.