I'm in an unrequited love situation and it's really painful but I just don't want to give up my feelings for him.

Over the summer we got really close and we almost dated, but my neediness scared him off. I was so happy during that summer that we had together. I don't have a lot of friends and I haven't had a very happy life, but he made me feel cared for and wanted and I actually felt important to someone. I was so happy.

I know I have problems with getting addicted to a person or a relationship (codependency or love addiction). I didn't have a good family life so I've never had much self-esteem and never really experienced feeling wanted so I look for people who will give me that self-worth I don't have. My self-worth was riding on this guy so when he pulled away I couldn't handle it. I got really manipulative trying to get him to stay but that made it worse of course, and I lashed out at my friends. My life imploded in October and I've been doing a lot of self-work since then trying to get healthy. But I still can't let go of this guy.

It's hard because we work together one on one three days a week. Like I said I don't have a lot of friends, and I talk to him more than I talk to anyone else in my life. Our friendship makes me happy but at the same time I want more. I want that feeling of being his number one person again. He's started dating someone else now. I don't know whether to be happy that we're close friends or not. Maybe my standards of closeness are kind of skewed as well. We talk at work and we text sometimes but we never see each other outside of work, is that considered close? I'm probably doing myself a disservice by wanting more from him when he just wants to be work buddies.

I talked to another friend tonight and every time she mentioned the reality of it - he's dating someone, you'll get over it - it made me feel upset. I guess I don't want to accept the reality.

If he had moved away or something it wouldn't have hurt me so bad. It's the fact that he chose to reject me. I have a feeling it goes back to my childhood. I'm trying to replay my childhood trauma of trying to win my parent's love and wanting it to have a happy ending this time.