thats the thing. I can't go to the hospital. my wife would never uderstand and i got two kids and a business with a partner. i would lose everything. i am trapped. but that's okay. i don't want to dump any more on here than i have already. nothing is okay and i am used to that. your right, i just need to accept it and stop trying to convince myself that anything will ever be okay. i don't want to ask for help any more than i already have. ugh!

just forget it.... i'm out